


Camellia

by absinthefae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullying, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7102993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absinthefae/pseuds/absinthefae





	1. Chapter 1

He liked the way your hair framed your face. How you seemed completely focused at all times, even though you served as his distraction during lessons. During lunch before being swept away by adoring fans who had made all manners of food with him in mind, he would take a glance at you. You would get out your lunch as well as a book, turning your attention to that. He wondered what it would be like to have that unflinching gaze focused on him. To be the center of your attention.  
It was a Monday as he strolled back into the classroom. Lessons were over and during a conversation with a couple of girls he realized he left one of his books on his desk. He was shocked to see you still sitting in your desk, a paperback with a broken spine clasped between your fingers. And, to his surprise, there were tears flowing down your face. He was silent as he entered, and you didn’t notice his presence as you inhaled sharply, sliding in a bookmark and letting the book fall to the surface of your desk.  
“Are you okay?” You jumped as you heard his voice beside your ear. You quickly wiped under your eyes and nodded.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said quietly.  
He swiped the book from your desk, glancing over the cover and skimming the back, ignoring your demanding that he return it. “Is it a sad book?” He held it out for you to take.  
You plucked it from his fingers and nodded, pushing it into the depths of your bag. You bowed your head in a farewell before turning toward the door. Why was he talking to you? You were nothing like the ones that fawned over him. You didn’t get why they simpered and cooed to him, he was just a boy. Popular, yes. But a boy.  
He grabbed the textbook from his desk near the back of the room before hurrying to walk beside you. “Are you going straight home, (l/n)-san?”  
You looked at him with raised brows before returning your gaze to the walkway before you. How did he know your name? Teachers still forgot it, even at this point in the year. “No.”  
“Oh? Where are you going? Can I come along?”  
You sighed as you got to your shoe locker, dropping your street shoes to the floor to put on. “Do what you want.” You murmured before walking out the door without a glance to see if he would follow.  
You were quiet on the train that led further into town and Oikawa seemed perfectly content just standing next to you. “Hey.” You said quietly. He almost missed it amongst the other noises.  
“What is it?” He tilted his head slightly.  
“Why do you know my name?”  
“I know the names of all the girls I think are cute.” He said, smiling wide. You knew of girls who would have killed you on the spot to be the recipient of that grin. You rolled your eyes and looked back out the window. But to his happy surprise a faint pink blush rose on your cheeks.

When the train pulled into the station you began to walk off, Oikawa at your heels. You walked down the road until you arrived at a bookstore. All at once your slow walk turned to a fast one, and you had bolted from his side. He managed to keep up, wondering what the heck you were rushing for. It wasn’t like the books were going anywhere!  
Just as fast as you rushed off, you came to a halt. The defeat was clear on your face as you looked at the empty display, signs advertising a new book from your favorite author. You looked at the surrounding shelves, wondering if anyone hid a copy to come back for later. But to your disappointment you saw nothing of the sort. Your shoulders slumped and you turned on your heel to walk back out. “I’m going home.”  
His hand clasped down on your shoulder and turned you around. “Wait!” He exclaimed. “Wait for me by the door? Please?” He turned the full force of his charm on you, even though he knew it wasn’t fair.  
Caught off guard, you couldn’t help but nod. You knew Oikawa was smart but you never saw him doing any reading outside of what the teacher assigned. Maybe he was looking for a book for a relative? If so why couldn’t you come along. Then with a pang you remembered that you didn’t want him to come with you in the first place.  
Your attention was focused in the novel you read earlier, you didn’t notice him approaching with a paper bag in his hand. “This is the one you wanted, right?” He opened the top of the bag and pulled out the book you had nearly lusted after.  
“What, how...how did you get that?! The shelf was completely empty!”  
“I asked one of the employees if they had any set aside for tomorrow.”  
You looked at him in shock. Why did he bother? Ignoring the growing warmth in your face you reached into your bag to grab your wallet, to pay him back.  
“Hey, hey.” He said, grabbing your wrist when he realized what you were doing. “Don’t. It’s my treat.”  
You opened your mouth to respond but found yourself at a loss for words. You tried numerous times before muttering a quiet, “Thank you.”  
“Actually, I know what you can do to pay me back.” He said, his hand still on your arm. A divot formed between your brows as you looked at him.  
“Hrm?”  
“Call me by my first name.”  
“But--”  
“Please, (f/n)-chan?” He tested out saying it, wondering if you would get angry with him getting so familiar so fast. But you liked the way it sounded coming out of him. How your name seemed so much sweeter coated in his voice.  
“O-okay...Tooru.” Your gaze was focused on him, exactly the way he prayed it would be one day. And he was nearly speechless. The way you just blatantly looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time.  
“Ah..you know (f/n)-chan. I really l--”  
“Oikawa-san!” You both jumped as you heard a distinctly feminine voice from down the street. A small group of girls you recognized from school were approaching. He could have cried as he saw your shields go up once more.  
“I’ll see you.” You said before turning away, holding the book tight to your chest as you hurried up the street. You couldn’t put your finger on why, but you really didn’t want to hear what those girls had to say to him.

Oikawa was shocked when he saw you the following morning. Darkness under your eyes but over half of the thick book finished. He wanted to talk to you, pick up from where they got interrupted by the girls who asked if he’d accompany them to a mixer. But the bell was already ringing and the teacher was walking into the classroom. He sat down in his desk a few rows behind you and got out his work. You finished the sentence you were on before putting the book into your bag and zipping it shut.  
His efforts to talk to you throughout the day failed. And he couldn’t help but noticed that you seemed even more closed off than you did before. He sulked upon seeing that but remembered that he broke through the wall once. Maybe he could do it again.  
At the very end of the day when he approached you, his sports bag slung over his shoulder, he saw you asleep at your desk. Your arms were folded beneath your chin as you slept, soaking in the light of the window you sat beside. He smiled before taking his sports jacket, draping it over your shoulders and walking out to go to the gym.

When he walked out of practice, he could still see you hunched over the desk in the faint light that remained on in the classroom. If you stayed any later you’d miss one of the last trains and have to walk home. He excused himself from his teammates before hurrying into the school. He crouched before your desk, the jacket still blanketed over your form, and took a moment to look at you. Slowly he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead before lightly patting your shoulder.  
“Hey (f/n)-chan.” He said quietly. He didn’t want to startle you. You groaned and turned your head away and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was what you were like in the morning. “(F/n)-chan~” He said, raising a hand to poke your cheek. You were still for a moment before your eyes opened, squinting slightly.  
“Oikawa?”  
“You said yesterday you’d start calling me Tooru, remember?” He said with a playful pout that dissolved quickly.  
“Oh, uh, right. Sorry...Tooru. What time is it?” His jacket fell back against the chair as you stretched your arms, shaking out the pins and needles.  
“Too late for you to still be here.” He grabbed the jacket and held out his hand. “C’mon. I’ll walk you home.”  
You hesitated for a moment before sliding your hand into his own. It was calloused and the palms were rough from years of tossing the ball up just right, but it was warm and curled around yours. His thumb traced the path along your knuckle as you walked out of the building and to the station. You couldn’t help but notice how he stood closer to you in the evening air. You were under his protection and it was a job he didn’t take lightly.  
You sat beside each other on the train. Although your hand was in your lap your head rested against his shoulder as you faded back into sleep. The night before you hadn’t rested until you saw the sun start to rise, so eager to tear into your new book that you were completely energized until then.  
His arm raised up to wrap around your shoulders and he allowed his head to perch on top of yours. He closed his eyes, wanting to remember this moment. “I love you.” He whispered to your deaf, sleeping ears.  
Waking you up the second time was easier and you were quiet as he led you off the train, quietly asking you for directions to your apartment. You walked along beside him, tugging on his sleeve as you turned right.  
You bowed to him as you stood before your home, taking out keys and opening the door to an empty black living room. “Thank you for walking me home Oi...Tooru.”  
“Do you live by yourself?”  
You shook your head, “No. My parents just work a while away, they only come home a few times a month when they can. Would you, um, like to come in?” You stepped through the doorway.  
He thought on it for a moment. It was tempting to say the least, to be able to spend a little longer with you. He should probably go home. There was school the next day and he hadn’t even started on homework. Yet he found himself nodding. “Yes please!”  
You turned on the lights as you kicked off your shoes, moving so he could come through the doorway and close it. The decor was simple and he could hear you moving around in the kitchen, pouring tea and getting out a selection of snacks. The tray was set down on the table as he sat down in a seat, his bag on the floor beside him. Next to the mugs of tea he saw chocolate in varying colors and, he presumed, varying flavors. You blushed when you saw him eyeing it, “Sorry. I don’t usually have guests so I grabbed what I could find.”  
He shook his head as he lifted up a piece that was green. “Matcha?”  
You shook your head, “Lime.”  
A peach colored one. “Pumpkin?”  
“Orange peel.”  
He broke off a piece that was plain brown and took a bite, looking at it in confusion. He heard you chuckle and his head snapped toward you. It was a beautiful sound, even muffled behind your hand.  
“It has curry powder in it.”  
“Wow you really like chocolate. I feel jealous of the guy you give some to for Valentine’s Day.” You flushed slightly and sunk down. You had never given anyone but your father something for the holiday.

“Thanks for helping me with the math homework (f/n)-chan.” Oikawa said as he stood by your door, tucking the last of his work into his bag.  
“You’re welcome. It was nice to work with somebody.” Your smile was small but it reached your eyes and made them shine.  
“Though I did have one question before I go.” He hitched his bag over his shoulder and turned to you.  
“What is it?”  
“Will you go out with me?”  
“....Wait, what?!”  
“You heard me. I like you a lot (f/n)-chan. I want you to be my girlfriend.” He grabbed onto your hand and held it tightly.  
You were silent, looking down at your clasped hands. Then slowly, you nodded. “Okay.”

“(f/n)-chan is so soft, and smells so good~” Oikawa practically purred as the two of you rode the train downtown. His arm was around you and holding you to his chest, despite the fact that there was a comfortable amount of space around you.  
“Tooru…” You grumbled as he nuzzled his face into your neck. “Where are we going anyway?” You felt his grin turn into a smirk and he looked at you with a glint in his eye.  
“Don’t worry about it, my cute girlfriend. You’ll like it, trust me.” The word girlfriend echoed through your ears. You had been dating him for less than a week, but he showed you the comfortable affection that couples of years had. But you noticed how he never pressured you into anything, how he gave you time to back away if he said he was going to kiss your cheek or hug you. It made you feel like he thought your feelings mattered.  
You leaned against him, hands on the silver pole, as the train began to slow down. You were in the heart of the city at this point. He took your hand and led you off the train, hurrying across the street to a large white building. One that you knew well, one you had wanted to go to for years but never found the time. It was a large museum that held famous pieces of art as well as rare gemstones and fossils. “Tooru…” You said softly as he walked with you inside.  
“Well, what do you think?”  
This time the words weren’t so hard to find. Your mouth was a large smile as you thanked him genuinely, arms around him in a firm hug. His fingers twitched as he hugged you back, wanting to kiss you in front of all these people. But he knew you wouldn’t be happy with that, so he refrained. Hard as it may have been.

Although you were focused on the art in front of you, all Oikawa could look at was you. He watched as you walked from painting to sculpture, reading the description before marvelling at the piece, glancing back at him with an appreciative smile and asking if he was looking. He would smile and nod before squeezing your hand.  
From the paintings to the wildlife exhibits to gems and minerals to, eventually, the planetarium. You two walked in and were surrounded by stars. A lightly lit pathway wove between hanging planets and stars, all of which slowly rotated around. Occasionally a star would shoot across the illuminated sky, now and then lines would appear, showing constellations. He felt your grip change on him, moving so your fingers were twined with his. You started on the path but felt your arm jerk as he didn’t come along. You looked behind you curiously, leaning in to be heard over the voice on the speakers, announcing the various astrological phenomena. “Tooru, are you okay?”  
He glanced to the side before dragging you to a corner that wasn’t lit, keeping you hidden from the steady flow of people. You felt his fingers trace the line of your lips as he spoke. “I love you.” His forehead pressed against yours, gentle curls pressed flat. “I have for so long.”  
“Tooru, I--”  
“You don’t have to respond right now. I know you probably don’t feel the same yet but I wanted you to know--”  
Before he could finish you leaned forward and closed the gap. The kiss was short and slightly off target but he grinned, you could see it even in the darkness. “I...I love you too.” He let your words fill his mind before he swooped back in, kissing you firmly and not quite chastely. One of his legs wedged between yours as his tongue slipped into your mouth. A finger against your cheek felt as your skin grew hot, but you made no motion to stop him. In fact, you seemed to respond with vigor.

You were examining the selection of polished semi rare stones for sale when Oikawa approached you, handing you a freshly purchased box. You glanced at him as you opened it, seeing a silver necklace with three pressed red petals as the charms. At the bottom of the box was an inscription.

‘Red Camellia: The flame of my heart’


	2. Lily

Warning: Contains elements of bullying and attempted suicide. Read at your own risk.

You loved your boyfriend. You loved his kisses, which were long and lingering and tasted like mint and always came in twos and threes. You loved his vibrancy, how he seemed to be able to light up a room and make you feel like you were the only one in the world and his entire being was devoted to you. You loved how high up he made you feel, from the very first moment he made his feelings known.  
What you didn’t know is that there’s only so high you can go before you start to fall.

Before, no one really paid attention to you. Yes you occupied space and took up air, but you went unacknowledged for the most part. You didn’t mind, life was a little easier that way. You didn’t have to worry about accidentally hurting feelings or buying the right amount of presents during the holidays. But now it didn’t seem like others didn’t talk to you because you went under their radar, it seemed as though they purposefully avoided your very existence. Glances upon your back led to wicked words behind cupped palms punctuated by giggling.

Your hand hovered over the lock in the bathroom stall as you heard a rumbling of footsteps. Girls from your class walked in and set colorful pouches onto the counter, fixing their hair and makeup as they spoke.  
“I can’t believe she actually thinks she’s good enough for Oikawa.”  
“I know right, maybe she’s paying him to date her.”  
“Or maybe she’s bribing him with sex. I mean it’s always the quiet ones who are the kinkiest~”  
Your face exploded with warmth as you listened to their words. You knew their voices, they were a group of girls who had always been kind to you and offered to eat lunch with you if you left your book at home.  
The warning bell sounded overhead and you walked out of the stall after they left. You looked at yourself in the mirror as you rinsed the soap from your hands, patting excess water onto your cheeks to cool them down. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.” You mumbled. “They’re just bitter and have ugly words.” You sniffled slightly. You wouldn’t cry, you refused to cry. You did nothing wrong.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you walked into the classroom one morning. You had heard enough to know what it meant. A solitary flower, a white lily, sat in a slender vase on your desktop. Typically placed on the desks of those who have deceased, when placed on the desk of the living it meant one thing. I wish you were dead. You swallowed thickly as you walked forward, lifting the vase and emptying it into the water fountain, leaving it and the lily there for anyone to take.  
It was nothing but a small act of defiance against those who sought to torment and hurt you. But to you it was perfectly clear, you were not just going to take it.

For the next few days you did the same thing. You took the singular flower upon your desk and emptied it out. You wondered for a second if you could even use the flowers, press them between some of the thick tomes in the very back of the library. They hadn’t been touched in ages, the thick layer of dust told that much. Surely no one would mind.  
Still you couldn’t help but wonder. Why? Just who wanted you to die so badly that they would dedicate each morning to making sure you knew how they felt.  
Soon enough, it wasn’t limited to a single flower. Two, three began to emerge, each in their own vase. Black smears of hatred would be written on your desk. Insults and names and accusations. It began to wear at you, settle upon your shoulders. You couldn’t tell Oikawa, he’d be furious with them all and they would hate you even more. No, around him you put on a smile like you always did. Around him everything seemed like it would be okay. You could forget about the glares and pranks at your expense. The only thing that you had to think about was just how wonderful it felt to be the subject of one of his hugs.

It was the day before a break and you couldn’t be more grateful. You could spend entire days away from the school, away from everyone but Oikawa. Even people who you thought were friends seemed to turn their backs on you.  
Your head was in a daze from the near dozen of kisses your beloved boyfriend bestowed upon you before going to practice when you saw your desk. It was nearly covered in the cynical snow white flowers. Cards were taped to the sides, condolences typed out on the fronts. Your bag dropped from your shoulder and hit the ground. The words on your desktop were larger now, you could read them even from across the room. Whore. Skank. You don’t deserve him. The first bell hadn’t even sounded, yet home was all you desired. If they were so adamant maybe they were right...maybe you should just die.

When you weren’t at your usual meeting spot Oikawa went looking for you. He peeked his head into your classroom, immediately seeing the catastrophe that was your desk. Your bag wasn’t there, there was no evidence you had been there at all. He looked over the lilies, the words. His hands gathered into fists and the classroom grew silent. The girls who adored him so watched as he grew furious, a silent terror, before storming out of the classroom.  
In an instant his phone was out, dialing your number. He thought something was slightly off about you. Nothing he could put his finger on, but something. You wanted your nights together to drag on just a bit longer, as though perhaps the night could never end.

You had lingered around as you made your way home, taking one last grand look at everything. The bench in the park you liked to sit at. The small corner store that you thought sold the best candy. The second hand store where you found that first edition copy of your favorite classic, at a real bargain too.   
You didn’t notice the time ticking by until your phone began to ring just as you got home. You looked at the name. It was Tooru. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pick it up, not yet. You wanted your last words with him to be happy ones, not ones full of anger. Or even worse, maybe he saw the decor of your desk and realized what a mistake the whole relationship was, what a sham. You let it go to voice mail as you changed your clothes into something comfortable before approaching the medicine cabinet.  
You found what you were looking for quickly, that tricky white bottle. Sleeping medicine. Your mother used to give you a couple when you had seen a scary movie and couldn’t relax or if you had an important test during the day. They would keep you deeply asleep until the next morning when your alarm went off. Maybe they could help you sleep forever.

He was already on his way to your house when his phone rang. He answered it quickly, hoping you listened to at least one of the seven voicemails he left you. “Hello??”  
“Hi Tooru.”  
“(y/n)! Where are you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere, those people in the classroom. They had no right--”  
“Everything’s going to be okay Tooru, understand? Everything is going to stop. Trust me.”  
“What do you mean by that?”  
“Ne ne Tooru. Do you love me?”  
“I..Of course I do. You know I do.”  
“I love you too Tooru. Goodbye.”  
The line went dead and his brisk walk turned into a sprint, a complete mad dash to your home. He didn’t trust that tone in your voice, your words. They gave him a sour feeling.

Your head was swimming as you got up to answer the door. You nearly stumbled over your own feet as you turned the knob, revealing your panting boyfriend. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before stepping inside.  
“T-Tooru? What are you doing here?” You asked, but to you it sounded more like slurring.  
He opened his mouth to speak as you covered your own, turning and sprinting toward the upstairs bathroom. Right on your tail, he watched as you fell to the floor, heaving into the toilet. He calmly gathered your hair away from your face, rubbing your back. Maybe this is why you came home early, you weren’t feeling well. Maybe you didn’t even see the things on your desk…  
Something white caught his eye. Dozens of small circles of white, somewhat dissolved, floating on the water below you. You trembled as you retched, your throat burning with acid and bile.  
Oikawa was smart, he wasn’t in Class 6 for nothing. The pills, your dizziness. You had seen your desk. You had tried to kill yourself…  
He remained on his knees as you flushed down the mess and filled a glass with water to drain the heat out of your throat. Did your life really mean so little to you? He felt tears flow down his cheeks but paid them no mind as he approached you, pulling you into a tight hug. “You know I love you right?” He muttered.  
You nodded solemnly.  
“So then why…? Why didn’t you tell me it got this bad? I could have--”  
“If I told you then you’d get mad at them. They’d hate me even more.”  
Oikawa was quiet as he stroked your hair, knowing that you spoke the truth. He just hated seeing you so weak, so powerless. So much so that you thought the only solution was to die.

You arrived at his house with your duffel bag over your shoulder. He insisted that you stay with him, even if it would just give him some peace of mind. If he could keep an eye on you, he could be certain you wouldn’t try again. As you set your things down you leaned heavily against him, everything from earlier catching up to you. You were exhausted, physically and mentally. When you leaned on him he picked you up and settled down on his bed, holding you protectively to his chest. Although you fell asleep quickly he kept his eyes open. He wasn’t tired and he was simply content with watching your face, feeling the soft puffs of your breath against his chest through his shirt. Signs you were alive, signs that you were still with him.  
He made sure to fill the days of the break with everything that could possibly occupy your time. You would come with him to volleyball practice and afterward he would take you to movies, amusement parks. You would partake in video game tournaments and competitions to see who could come up with the weirdest ice cream flavor and topping combination. He wanted you to remember that for all the bad in the world there was just as much good, even if it was just in the simplicity of things.

When break was over and you returned to school no matter where you went there was at least one member of the volleyball team flanking you. It had to have been Oikawa’s doing, taking advantage of his position as captain to make sure you were never alone for even a moment. From the corner of your eye you could always see a flash of teal and white, even as days passed and the school year went on. Oikawa loved you. If you remembered anything at all, he wanted it to be the fact that he loved you with all his heart. He wouldn’t let you go for anything.


End file.
